1. Live Action Wombles
Look, I’m not talking about the lovely wee animated Wombles from the tv series. I’m talking about the blank eyed, sociopathic, 7 foot juggernaut beings that appeared in the real world. They said they were ‘a band’, but I knew better – they were in fact WAMPAS, and they were here to eat all children, excluding Boonie Bloody Langford – bitch. My cousin had a massive poster of Tomsk on her bedroom door. I practically wet myself whenever I saw it.
2. Satan’s Raven from Omen II
‘No, it’s alright Mum. Sure i can sit with you and Dad and watch Omen II and not shit myself. *I* won’t be scared’.
Satan wants to kill people; he doesn’t send an animal that can deal out some serious damage – a rhino, or Ostrich, but the RAVEN still works out quite well. It worked on me. The Raven is small, but he’s got this great theme tune thumping out whenever he arrives ‘CAWRACK! CAWRACK!’. And then the camera zooms in on his beady little eyes, EVIL.
Anyway, he only kills one person by himself in the movie, and he’s helped out by his best mate, a 20 ton truck. Still, the whole ‘eye pecking’ scene scarred me for about four years.
3. Public Service Warnings
Yes, you all know them. Their messages had the desired effect, didn’t they? All my brothers and sisters born in the seventies will no doubt get behind me when I say that the Public Service Warnings worked TOO WELL. Oh, there’s far too many to mention, but they were all trauma-inducing experiences. Don’t open the door to strangers or you’ll be eaten by a monster (my personal favourite), don’t climb electric pylons (Billy!!!! Bzzzzzzzzt!!!! Eeeeeeee!!!!!), Donald Pleasance as the Death Spirit that wants to drown you in a far off reservoir, and on and on……
This is a Horror film, and it’s the worst kind because we all thought it might just come true. There have been several decent Nuclear Holocaust films made throughout the years, but none come close to the relentless, unflinching, pitch-black bleak hour and a half that is Threads. The Beeb really wanted to show the British people what might might happen if some old fart in America or Russia decided to press the button. The first half of the film is lead up to the war, and second half is an excruciatingly detailed aftermath spanning the next 15-20 years, where the cast are either killed off slowly and painfully by the effects of radiation sickness, or descend into madness in the new and harsher world. You think ‘The Mist’ has a sombre ending? Check this one out.
(A proper review of this film coming soon from Dava and Jared)